The Chronicles of Courting One Uzumaki Naruto
by enRei
Summary: 'In order to escape the self-proclaimed tag of being a socially stunned, suicidal emo; I, Uchiha Sasuke, decided to start this journal. Hoping it will make me luckier in my attempts. Whoever is reading this and yes Itachi, I'm on to you- die in my misery. For these are the chronicles of courting one Uzumaki Naruto- my best friend and the love of my life.'
1. I

**Disclaimer: This li'l sis ain't ownin' the rights to callin' Naruto hers… *gangsta pose***

**Warning: Yaoi (meaning boyXboy love), sexual references, AU, OOC, mentions of suicide, prank wars, masturbation (no scenes, sorry!),**

**Pairings: SasuNaruSasu, KakaIru, ItaDei, NagaKona**

* * *

_**Day 1 **_

* * *

_I was going to do it. Really, I was. I just felt as if the sudden rain, stormy clouds and that tinkly feeling in my gut were a clear sign not to start anything._

… _Fine, I lied. I was too nervous and scared shit of rejection thus leading me to break off in a cold sweat and high-tail my pale ass out of the school; where my rival, crush and best friend waited for me with that dazzlingly beautiful smile of his that woke warm fuzzies in my stomach. As soon as I saw him, felt the backflips in my tummy and shook with pleasure and fear... I turned and ran. _

_I spent the rest of the day in my house, discussing with my pervert-self how much of a coward I was, how pathetic it was not being able to tell a simple 'I like you' to your crush and just how freaking cute did Naruto look today._

_GAAAAH! Damn you, hormones!_

_Moreover, damn you Naruto! Why are you so adorable and cute and fluffy and simply irresistible and…_

* * *

_Awww, he's so nice! Naruto, in all his wondrous glory, came over after school, worried. He was actually worried for me! Thought I was sick, and wondered if he could do something to make me feel better. It was tempting, I admit, for me to ask him to bend over, but got control over both my mouth and mind quickly; and sent him off quickly._

_I know I'm a cold bastard, no need to rub it in. But, I can't just act like a love-sick puppy (even if I mostly do, when alone) in front of him! I had an image to uphold! Not to mention, I had to impress my lovable idiot every chance I got._

_This time, impression I was going for wasn't the best; he scoffed, called me a bastard and left. I would feel down in the dumps- if not for Naruto looking __ü__ber cute while scrunching up his nose and burrowing his eyebrows when angry…._

_I'm a sick, sick man. Boy. Teen. Whatever._

_Signing off_

_Uchiha Sasuke_

***the hottest piece of ass around here**


	2. II

_**Day 2**_

* * *

_OK, so I managed to go to school today without running off when I saw him. Even if he looked like a lemon flavored candy in that neon yellow T-shirt I wouldn't mind licking at all, I stood my ground. My pervert-self was, once again, locked behind mental bars of iron, wooden closet, desk and couple of chairs._

_Judging by the small, relief filled smile he gave me I gathered he was glad I was all right. I kept myself rooted to the spot, not letting this damned body fail me and glomp the picturesque blonde right there- while Umino was watching us._

_I suspected Umino knew of my __**infatuation **__with his favorite student, but I paid it no mind. I'll just let that perverted teacher, Hatake, deal with him. He was more than glad to occupy the brown-haired teacher's time._

_Nothing interesting happened; I returned to my normal school activities, before the entire 'confess' thing started occupying my time (watching Naruto, talking to Naruto, sharing lunch with Naruto, teasing Naruto, casually touching Naruto, insulting Naruto, fighting with Naruto, shadowing Naruto's every move)- the only thing different from being a couple was lack of kisses, sensual touches and of course, feelings. As far as I've known, to Naruto I was only his weird, emo-looking, and tomato-obsessed best friend that had an irking to strangle the half of this planet. Sometimes, I got a feeling like that near him, if not for his annoying loudness than for his mother-fucking obliviousness._

_Anyway, I decided to be a good friend today and wait for him. He had an after-school football practice which he rarely missed. Naruto, for being such a small guy, was really sportive. Always hyper, up and about and the thing I liked the most, quite bendable. Oh yeah, he had the most amazing, taunting, bronze, sensual and bendable body. An ideal uke, I say._

_Not to mention his lack of gag reflex, that I planned to put into a good use. As soon as I confessed. Which I would do today, mind you. Right after his practice, when I walked him home. Find some secluded place, tell him I liked him and go ahead and kiss the living daylights out of him. With a wandering grope here and there. And etc._

_Then, he walked out of the showers, right into the locker room where I waited; interrupting my fantasy with his almost naked (that towel was __**so **__tiny) glory. Dripping wet like a mysterious mermaid (man, man, delicious little man!) and fueling my fantasies further._

_The last I heard was his melodious voice, screaming 'Sasuke! Sasuke!'- __**That**__ did __**not**__ help. I left myself go to the world of dreams, both my pervert-self and me twitching in a sweet, sweet agony._

***feeling suddenly anemic with a _very_ happy little friend**


	3. III

_**Day 3 (Friday)**_

* * *

_Naruto freaked out royally. He demanded of me to go visit a doctor about my sudden sickness. I could just imagine how that will go. 'Symptoms? .. Heavy nose-bleeding, perverted mumbling, activity in the lower part of my body and clammy hands when near Uzumaki Naruto.' Yeah right, they'll look me up immediately if not for mine, then Naruto's safety. I wasn't __**that **__far off. I will __**never **__be caught._

_I calmed him down, telling him how I had a mild heat-stroke, and that it was the sun's fault I was bleeding pools of blood out of my nose. Thank the Gods he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. … Thinking back on that excuse, it was kind of a certain's sun fault._

_Seeing as I collapsed yesterday, that would mean I did not confess to the bright boy of my dreams (dry and wet). I was not sure whether I felt grumpy or relieved about it. I was tempted to bitch all day, due to my failure (and what a bitching that would be, an Uchiha worthy)- but then my blue-eyed angel descended from heavens and took me out on a date._

_.. OK, not a date - an eating fest at Ichiraku's. Where he proceeded to drown himself into a five, six, seven and more bowls of his precious ramen. I couldn't stop the jealous glare I gave to those bowls; why can't he lick __**me **__like that?!_

… _Deciding those thoughts would be best locked behind __**that **__door, I listened to his ramblings. He was, as usual, talking about the newest game he got, boring homework that waited for him and an amazing weekend he was to spend with his godfather, Jiraya. I did feel slightly (maybe a too kind word) put off- I wanted to spend my weekend with him! I had in plan to confess, kiss him and block ourselves into my home where we will continue our lives off doing much more interesting stuff…._

_Naruto grinned, I felt weak in my knees, and told me he'll call me. Then he ceremonially said his goodbyes, disappeared, leaving me to pay for his ramen. That bitch._

_Soon-to-be-mine bitch, mind you. So I reckoned how as a future-lover of his, I might as well pay it all. Like I did every single time. As a measly comfort, I took home a bunch of naruto's; which I ate in the darkness of my room, sulking for all I was worth._

_Until the spawn of devil came home, taunting me about my clear-to-everybody-but-somebody obsession. Damn Itachi. Why doesn't he rot in hell, where he clearly belongs!_

…_. Just realized I missed my sweep-him-off-his-feet confession time. Darn it!_

_*_**the emo boyfriendless turning murderer loser**


	4. IV

_**Day 4 (Saturday)**_

* * *

_He didn't call yet. It's already 4 p.m. and he __**still **__hadn't called. Moron. What's keeping him from calling out to his bestest friend (future lover)?! Doesn't he realize how much I miss him?!_

_Of course he doesn't, he's an idiot. _

_Than again, he's my idiot. My cute, lovable, kind, puuuurfect idiot._

_Before I step into my La La world: I made onion soup today. Itachi's puking face was priceless._

* * *

_Still no calls, messages or e-mails. Nothing. Nada. I'm starting to think he's cheating on me. Which will be quite illogical, seeing as we're not together. __**Yet.**_

_Itachi dunked my head into the toilet. He's officially promoted to the Devil's advocate._

* * *

_It's close to midnight and there have been no sightings, hearings or wailings of Naruto. There might have been some dreams (example: the two of us, strolling down the flowery meadow, holding hands... Laying on the bed, the blonde, flushing from sex, angel beside me telling me that wonderful three worded phrase...), but let's keep it out of the REM phase. I'm slowly reaching my limits. I can already feel the cold, uneasy feeling creeping down my spine…_

_Oh, that was Itachi- he dumped some of that left-over soup over me. Bitch-tits._

_*_**off to give fan-girls Itachi's number**


	5. V

_**Day 5 (Sunday)**_

* * *

_OH MY FREAKING GOD! WHERE IS HE?! WHY HASN'T HE CALLED?! DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?! DID SOMEBODY POISON HIM- TRICKING HIM WITH RAMEN?! OR WAS IT AN ACCIDENT?! I SWEAR, IF THAT PERVERTED MOTHER-FUCKING IDIOT KILLED NARUTO, I WILL __**CASTRATE **__HIM!_

_WHAT IF HE'S LYING SOMEWHERE IN AN UNKNOWN HOSPITAL, CALLING OUT TO ME, TO COME, TO KISS HIM, TO MOLEST HIM, TO…_

* * *

**Sometimes I wonder if we're really related. Sasuke is now locked up in his bathroom and if I try hard, I can hear him scratching the doors. I'm writing this here because I'm certain he would not listen to me if I try to tell him anything. Huh. Must have something to do with him waking up in the dog house. Oh well.**

**Sasuke, my dearest, foolish brother. Your little foxy-noxy called a while ago and said he will not make it to school tomorrow. Seems like Jiraya and he met some of their cousins and would like to spend time together.**

**He apologizes for not calling earlier, but he lost his phone while chasing wild horses… Or something nearly close as that. He wants you not to worry, have a nice day and take notes for him in school while he's gone.**

**I would appreciate it if you would stop giving my number away. It's troublesome to change it every second.**

**I'm off to see my boyfriend, Deidara- because unlike you I have balls and certainly do not run away from a blond, fuckable uke. Later.**

***sexy-and-we-all-know-it, your older brother Itachi**

* * *

_Oh, so he called. And he hadn't gotten into any kind of accident. Good. Well, I'll just have to wait for him to tell me all that happened, right? Humm… Might as well do some charitable work while he's gone._

_*_**demon hunter**


	6. VI

_**Day 6 (Monday)**_

* * *

_Itachi was not pleased I put itching powder into his shower gel. Mah, who cares? Naruto's coming back tomorrow! And he sent me a message! How lucky am I?!_

_It turns out they met Nagato and Konan- Naruto's cousins. Well, he did; Jiraya found a really shady bar with low moral women. That's why they'll be sticking around for a day- Naruto hasn't seen Nagato in years!_

_I remember meeting that red haired freak. In all his naked, and I mean naked naked, glory- the older Uzumaki was having a hug fest with his close friend. Yahiko, also a nude freaky hippie. _

_I guess Naruto inherited his 'WORLD PEACE' aspirations. _

_But maybe, just maybe, he should focus more on saving my insanity first... Dunno, by loving me in return?_

_ And Itachi, it wasn't a wild horse chase. He lost it in a taxi, you moron._

_And I so have balls, you bloody bastard!_

_*_**gigantic balled man**


	7. VII

_**Day 7 (Tuesday)**_

* * *

_It was the time. Yep. My little gorgeous and handsome-self is going to, together with my pervert-self, man up and confess his undying, unwavering and certainly less than innocent feelings for my best friend, Naruto._

_I was finally ready to do it and there was no escaping (from both sides) this time. I will try hard as might not to pass out due to blood loss- courtesy of my sexy previously mentioned friend. Nor will I be interrupted by an accident occurrence such as few cousins or what not. I am going to get that hot piece of ass in my bed, and I was going to do it __**today**__!_

_.. I admit, hearing Deidara's screams of pleasure all night and seeing Itachi's shit eating smirk this morning helped my resolve. I wanted my blonde to limp, blush, scream, whine and depend on me just like Itachi's! Dammit, I will confess, even if it is the last thing I do!_

_Naruto, you and your tight little ass better be ready, 'coz here I come._

* * *

_I didn't do it. I was utterly defeated by the stupidest thing on earth: a fox. A grinning, evil and cunning little fox going by the name of Kyuubi. Apparently, Naruto found him starving in whatever village they were in and kinda adopted him. The moment I walked into the classroom, saw Naruto's heart-warming smile and noticed the red fluffy creature in his arms I just __**knew **__I was screwed over for today's plans._

_All Naruto talked about was how cute Kyuubi was, how soft his fur was, how intelligent he was and how he snuggled next to Naruto in bed. At that point, I was ready to snap the little shit's neck for even __**daring **__to approach Naruto's bed and his untainted body. The fox smirked at me all day long._

_Do you even know what the worst is? No, not the resident lovers going at it tonight (though it did ache). No, it was Naruto abandoning his practice (I had to literally beg him to skip __**one **__just so he could go with me to my house for a gaming night! I said __**please**__!) so he could go and buy some stuff for the stupid red ball of evil. He ran off, leaving me and my shattered heart in front of the school. I was so distressed that I refused to even eat the bloody tomato mash Deidara made (Itachi __**never **__cooks)._

_And thus, yet again, my hopes, dreams and plans are shattered. Excuse me while I go sulk in my emo corner._

_*_**the big bag of brokenness**


	8. VIII

_**Day 8 (Wednesday)**_

* * *

_**Tried** to kill the damned red evil thingy (note to self: knives, explosives and rope can get you a one way ticket to detention. And war wounds). _

_**Managed** to irk it a little bit, got a pissed off Naruto at my back, more annoying than ever Itachi and ended up, all in all, even more sexually frustrated. Not to mention bored- Hatake just kept reading his books all the time during detention, not paying a bit of attention to me. How does Naruto survive this?!_

_Probably (hopefully), by thinking about me._

_No, I did __**not **__confess yet._

_*_**stabbing my pillow, imagining Kyuubi's face**


	9. IX

_**Day 9 (Thursday)**_

* * *

_Naruto left the bastardly thing at home today- thank the Gods! I can have him all for myself today! I started celebrating inside of my head, searching for a devious plan on how to catch the little blonde in my bed. With permission, of course._

_Naruto smiled up at me, bringing me from one fantasy to another, and asked me out. My thought process halted. I felt myself growing in size (even if it was impossible), just thinking how maybe my cute uke loved me back! Maybe, he too wanted me to fuck him senseless every chance we got! Maybe, all those years chasing other suitors away finally paid off! Did I mention the love part? Or the sex?_

_My hopes and dreams were once again shattered. He wanted me go with him to the movies. Him and Kiba. Next weekend. As friends._

_I pitifully responded that I would go, can't let Kiba have him all for himself. Then, after I left him to his football I found myself a nice mutt and gave him a nice black eye._

… _I may have screamed some stuff at him about being sexually frustrated, jealous and that all these feelings were making me act like a love-bagged girl. And Kiba may, or may not tattled me to Naruto. Who may, or may have not thought I was mentally unstable. Thus leading him to distancing himself from my company for the rest of the day._

_I hate my life. I should just end it now._

…_._

_Of course, then I will most probably never see my sweet and delicious dead-last, so I gave up on drowning myself in my hot-tub._

_*_**re-acquaintance with my lovely friend, right-o**


	10. X

_**Day 10 (Friday)**_

* * *

_I am the biggest freaking unluckiest coward out there._

_Naruto came up to me today and asked me if I liked anybody. Squeaking a little yes, I gave him a nervous smile. I was sweating royally; no doubt Kiba relayed all of yesterday's nervous breakdown of mine to him. And Naruto picked the best time possibly to not be an oblivious fool and connected the dots. The result was that I was crushing on __**somebody **__and was hurting painfully so because of it._

_After trying to coax me for an answer and failing; my lips were tightly shut, even if I wanted I could not say a word, he promised me that he will help me however he could._

_No doubt it was the most historic moment in our school, Uchiha Sasuke banging his head on the locker, yelling 'Stupid!' for ten minutes._

_I tried to drown myself again, but Itachi decided to act like a concerned brother for once and cut of our water supply. Bastard._

_*_**feeling suicidal and quite dirty for some time now**


	11. XI

_**Day 11 (Saturday)**_

* * *

_Naruto pestered me about the person I liked. I kept my mouth tight and shut._

_Naruto hugged me and told me it was going to be all right. Scheduled a meeting with Mr. Right-o._

_Canceled the meeting for now-Naruto was coming over._

_Itachi blessed our house with water. Took a much needed shower._

_The meeting went well. Naruto stuffed himself with ramen in the kitchen._

_Naruto snuggled up to me after falling asleep in the middle of a movie. Another meeting was in order. But for now, snuggle time!_

_Woke him up, fed him and sent him home. Due to his __ü__ber cuteness, the meeting was moved a couple of hours earlier._

_Realized that, even if I spent the whole day with the target, I have failed to accomplish my mission._

_The tie snapped. Couldn't hold my weight._

_Stabbed the pillow to death. Humped another one._

_*_**off to buy a new pillow**


	12. XII

_**Day 12 (Sunday)**_

_I decided to do something about the whole mess I created and sent a love-letter with a single rose to Naruto's address. Hopefully, he would take it as a romantic gesture, love it so much and will not be freaked out. I said hopefully, didn't I?! I couldn't stop myself from shivering with anticipation the whole day. There are about a hundred possible scenarios (all which involved Naruto freaking out, being disgusted, pitying me) that were running through my head... and just a small amount of positive ones. Yeah, I'm a pessimist all the way._

_ Halfway through I turned back, determined to play the coward part again… But then I saw that creep Sai (the bigot that is also chasing after Naruto) right across the street- holding an Ichiraku take-out. En gardé!_

_So I continued down the path of enlightenment and pushed my letter under Naruto's (orange) door mat. No way that creep is getting ahead of me!_

…_._

_After a short, but __**enlightening**__ phone talk with the object of my affections, I realized that I __**am **__the stupidest being on the planet._

_*next time, it might have been good to write my name_


	13. XIII

_**Day 13 (Monday)**_

_Naruto thinks he has a secret admirer; and in a way, I can't deny it. I mean, I admire his beauty, personality and that wonderful smile… And I do it secretly. Well, Itachi knows. Mr. Right-o too. Let's not forget the pillow. Possibly Deidara... and Kakashi... and Iruka..._

_OK, so it's not that well hidden- but it is from Naruto, which is the only person that counts in my book._

_He is happy, which means I am happy too. How could I not be- he's skipping, whistling some silly tune and shaking that tight and round ass…_

_Then, he suddenly turns to me, and I make a show of yawning, trying to hide my drool. He tells me that even though his love life is progressing, he will __**not **__go out with his admirer until mine is fixed._

_Even if that was a given, I felt flattered. I never realized Naruto held me so high in his eyes- made me almost sorry I was going to ruin this wonderful thing we have. That was, if my feelings were rejected. And mind you, I was aiming for them to be returned._

_So, when I got home I wrote another letter (not signed either) and bought a piece of candy. I mailed it to his house, and with fluttering butterflies in my stomach, waited for his call._

_*feeling better than few days ago_


	14. XIV

_**Day 14 (Tuesday)**_

* * *

_Another letter and a chocolate bar- I could see Naruto was cheering up whenever he got one. Meaning, that even secretly, I was the one making him happy and blush. Coz he did blush, furiously so, when he read the second one._

_With a light note in my step and my head in the clouds, I almost forgot our not-date._

…_.._

_Kiba never showed up (it might have something to do with his newest shiny) so the two of us had the whole evening for ourselves. We saw a movie, had a laughing fit during it, shared a pizza in some Italian stand and as a finale- I walked him home. It felt like a natural date… Except it wasn't a date. And I didn't get a good-night kiss at his door step._

_But I did get a hug, so I'm feeling light, happy and strangely horny all over again._

_*another pillow ruined_


	15. XV

_**Day 15 (Wednesday)**_

* * *

_I'm out of my mind right now; Itachi is humping away __**his **__delicious blonde in the room next to mine, the only thing I ate all day is that blemish soup my sweetheart adores and to top it all- he hasn't called me at all! I mean, yeah sure, I saw him at school during classes…and recess. But that's not enough for me! That's like- only 55% of his time! Seeing as he is nearly always late and I usually am not allowed to watch his practice, it's not enough. That bastard Maito, I'm sure Hatake was the one who talked him into forbidding me from seeing that sinful body!_

_As soon as we parted ways near his house, Naruto disappeared! Most of times, he would call me up and talk about his beloved ramen, Kyuubi or bloody homework for hours. But no, not today! He wasn't even answering his cell! I tried not to sound needy… but I can freely say I failed. My messages sound like 'Where art though, Naru-chan?' or other medieval poetic crap. Curse my abnormal obsession with that hot piece of chunk!_

_I'm gonna go play with Itachi a little._

* * *

_After my eleventh call and fifteenth message, he answered. And do you know what he said? He was on a fucking date with Ino, TenTen and some other shady, college guy! Oh God, what has this world done to my innocent cinnamon bun?! What if Naru-chan falls in love with him and they start going steady?! Not even Itachi's sneaky tryouts to stop my suicide will succeed! I will kill myself, come back from the dead to kill that guy, claim Naruto and… Probably fuck him into oblivion. Curse you, college freak! Curse you!_

_Managed to erase all the love-making tapes Itachi possess; made with Deidara._

* * *

_Oooooooh, so that's how it is?! It turns out- the college guy, Neji, was TenTen's boyfriend. The only reason Naruto was there with them was to chaperon along with Ino. Seeing as none of them had better plans (though I would disagree, I was perfectly satisfied if he spent it here). They had couple of drinks (none alcoholic or with caffeine, Naruto was strictly forbidden from those), ate some shortcakes, strolled around the town (according to my lovable idiot, Ino demanded they buy some appreciation toy for Kyuubi (like the damn thing needs it!)). And basically, that was how their day passed. Phew!_

_No boyfriends, or girlfriends, for Naruto in near future. Dear mother of God, there is still chance for poor ol' me._

* * *

_Lying here in bed, I can't but not think back to the fact I __**still **__didn't confess._

_Oh swell!_

_*_**overwhelmed with lowness and absolute fuck-ism **


	16. XVI

_**Day 16 (Thursday)**_

* * *

_I invited Naruto home after school, fully intent on telling him my real feelings. After couple of love letters (painfully anonymous), flowers, chocolates, ramen cups and pair of orange mittens- I decided it was time to fess up._

_It went… dreadfully so. Itachi, that son of a bitch, somehow- without me noticing- managed to put peanuts in my juice._

_Little fun fact: Uchiha Sasuke is allergic to peanuts. I swell up like a damned frog when under the influence of one- a picture that is not nice to see._

_After spending the afternoon in delight, playing __**Ninja Zone **__with Naruto- I finally gathered my enormous balls and opened my mouth. Strangely, no sound came out._

_OK, so something did come out- something sounding like 'Gauauhuwa'. The face my blonde was sporting was between confused, worried and amused; something only he could manage._

_Even after all the panic (Naruto running through the house, calling Itachi, searching medicine, oddly summoning the Lucky Seven), I was still swollen, and quite so. So verbal confrontation was out of the question for now. Or a physical one._

* * *

_Devil- he cut the water again. Maybe I'll try electricity._

_*_**buzzing around**


	17. XVII

_**Day 17**_

_Today is the day I shall get my revenge upon my brother. Right now, I am standing in the hallway, hidden by shadows- my camera on and trying as hard as I might not to giggle. Ooooh, here comes Deidara._

* * *

_Itachi's fuck toy found the diamond ring I conveniently placed in Itachi's coat. You would not believe how girlish can one guy sound! Or how good does a terrified eye widening look on my big brothers usually stoic face. Buahahaaha! Deidara was screaming 'Yes! Yes! Oh, yes!', Itachi was grunting 'You're dead Sasuke.' And I was giggling 'Take that Devil-that-wears-Armani!'. The blonde lover-turned-fiancé is still jumping around the house, out of the world from happiness._

_Oh, that was good. Now, to mail the video to Naruto_

_*_**one happy little Uchiha**


	18. XVIII

_**Day 18**_

* * *

_If Itachi is Devil Incarnate, Kyuubi is surely his younger brother. Or apprentice. Take your pick._

_Naruto came to my house this morning, smiling innocently (looking fuckably so), carrying that blasted red thingy in his arms. Armed with his legendary pout, he suckered me into babysitting the epitome of evil fluffiness. Before I got a chance to say anything ('Would you like to stay over for a nice, cozy and energizing fuck?'), Naruto vanished. Had to go visit his adoptive grandmother, Tsunade._

_That is a woman I did not want to meet again. One sake bottle smashed on my head was quite enough, thank you!_

_Anyways, he left Kyuubi and me- at the mercy of each other (more like I was at the damn fox's mercy)._

_It went… __**splendid.**_

_What welcomed my cute blonde when he came back four hours later was:_

_Trashed house (including the ripped furniture)_

_Burnt kitchen __**and **__bathroom (accident with a hairspray)_

_Pieces of fox fur and black hair on my used to be polished floor_

_Traces of blood (mixed) leading all the way to my room_

_Newly decorated room_

_Kyuubi wrapped in dozens of sweaters, yipping and growling_

_Me, with the damnation in a grip, couple of deep gashes over my body and with a new haircut_

_Safe to say Naruto was __**not **__happy. Firstly, he was stunned into silence. Secondly, he was looking at me with that disbelieving look (that strangely turned me on). As a conclusion, he walked up to us, took Kyuubi from my grasp and without saying anything; he left. He didn't even slam the door. Oh God, he didn't slam the door! He was soo pissed at me!_

_Before he could leave I sprinted to him, hugged his legs and started to whine like a little spoiled kid that knew he had done something bad. I admit I may have used my Bambi eyes._

_The next fifteen minutes were degrading for a human being, not to mention to an Uchiha. However, I would gladly give up my Uchiha pride (or a pride as a human being) for Naruto's forgiveness. Heck, I would trade it for a smile on those deliciously luscious lips!_

_Yes, I am pathetic. I know that without Itachi telling me over and over again._

_*_**in the emergency room, tending my battle wounds**


	19. XIX

_**Day 19 **_

* * *

_The royal dumps out of them all._

_Let's recap, shall we? Because I'm 100% sure that blasted demon (Itachi) is reading this idiotism and has tremendous fun doing that- why not give him __**more **__laughable reasons?_

_I woke up, like I normally do (meaning: screaming Naruto's name, coming on the spot, grumbling because it was just a dream) and went on with my hygiene business. Thankfully, Naruto has already forgotten incident from the day before (eleven cups of ramen might have something to do with it) and not to mention I sent another love letter._

_Then, the deities' favorite game (let's make a nervous wreck out of Sasuke) began. I was rooted to the living room, next to the phone, waiting for it to ring. Why? Because Naruto already told that he would call **me**, which meant some serious business. Meaning: 'Let me cool off first'. _

_The phone didn't ring... Blasted device! OK, so I may have sent some kind of subliminal messages through my glare. The blasted thing wouldn't ring for good couple of hours._

_After three hours of waiting to hear the angelic voice of my one true love- I was blessed. In the process, I might have trashed Itachi's room (just for a good measure) and it's not like he didn't deserve it (coz you are devil! Devil I tell you!)._

_Naruto, my sweetie pie, invited me over for lunch and some game-playing activities. If it was up to me, those activities would be switched to something less… innocent._

_Like a faithful puppy, I jumped. Thank God father and mother are out of the country, or else I would be getting a lecture on how a proper Uchiha must act._

_Screw them._

**I have to agree that you certainly do not act like you are expected to. However, I deem your devotion to conquering your partner admirable. **

_So I went there, feeling all giddy and nervous- like always when I'm about to see the golden fox (whiskers anyone?). The love of my life welcomed me with a grim face. Fuck._

_After the grave 'Come in, Sasuke.' At my plopping down the sickly green colored couch, Naruto went off in the direction of his kitchen. I waited for ten minutes, all the while watching the pictures of Naruto, Jiraya, Tsunade and Kushina around the apartment. On the outside, that is; on the inside I was freaking up, pulling my hair, biting my nails and wondering what the fuck did happen?!_

_Naruto entered the room, carrying two glasses of red orange juice (my favorite! Oh Naruto, how I love thee!). He sat opposite of me ('Omen' was playing in the back of my mind). His usually cheerful eyes that could rival the skies itself were… attentive and serious. Well, shit._

_I gulped down my drink, preparing myself for whatever was coming. Oh Gods, please don't let it be about him acquiring a boy/girlfriend! Then I would clearly have to commit a murder (the bitch that dared hook up with __**my **__Naruto) and would most probably end up in jail._

_I wonder if Naruto would visit me? And when I get out, maybe he'll give me a pity sex? …. One could always hope._

"_Sasuke.." He begun. "I may have to go out of country for a while." Ah, OK, I though…_

_WAIT, WHAT?!_

"_Say WHAT?!"_

_He sighed._

"_Old hag wants me to go with her to Germany…"_

_Hold up there, pretty boy! The fuck does that granny want?!_

"_Why?!" I pathetically cried out. Naruto gave me a somber smile._

"_Father.. he got into an accident."_

_OK, a little family lesson: Naruto's father, Minato, is a half German, half Japanese. He is one of the leader politicians up there and has been living there since Kushina, Naruto's mother, died. According to Jiraya, Minato was so crushed by Kushina's death that he chose to distance himself from his son and leave him with his faithful friend and teacher, Jiraya. I certainly have nothing against the guy; if he didn't do that, who knows when I would meet Naruto?!_

_Exactly! He is my savior- accidental one, but still… Without Naruto my life would be dull, meaningless, empty, pathetic, boring and worthless. I am not exaggerating._

_So, Minato's bed ridden. Sucks to be him. _

_Naruto's off to visit him. Sucks to be me._

_He's going tomorrow, early in the morning. He __**reckons **__he won't be kept there long, just until Minato recovers. That can take ages; it all depends on what kind of injury it is. _

_DON'T GO NARUTO! I really wanted to yell, but who am I to forbid him from seeing his own father? It's not like Minato wasn't there- he visited Naruto every year and my blonde usually went every winter there. He sent cards, presents, dialed nearly every month, sent money for Naruto's education and living expenses… He was a good guy. And now, he needed Naruto. I could totally understand that. _

_But still, what will I do without Naruto?!_

_*_**gonna die, that's what**


	20. XX

_**Day 20**_

* * *

_I'm so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely…_

_You're the one and only…_

_To make my dreams come true…_

_And again!_

_I'M SO LONELY,_

_LONELY,_

_LONELY,_

_LONELY,_

_YOU'RE THE ONE AND ONLY…_

_Damn you Itachi, stop throwing things at my head- I'm having an emo moment here!_

_Now, where was I?_

_I'M SO LONELY…_

_Curse you Naruto, why aren't you phonin/SMSin/skype-in me? I miss you sooo much- I barely can breathe without you here!_

_The fuck? When did I become a rhymer?_

_Anyways, where are you Naruto?!_

_OK, so I know where you are and I know what you are doing… But why?! Why can't you be here, right beside me, so I can gaze down upon your lovely face, smoldering eyes, kissable lips, fuckable body… Oh, fuck me._

_No, I mean, fuck you. But not with some weird ass clone made out of shadows… How stupid would that be? Not to mention jealous invoking. I would kill him._

_Or fuck him too- coz he is you. Oh yeah…_

_Anyways, before I fall under my fantasies spelll it would be good to mention certain things that happened this morning._

_At about 4 a.m. I went to airport to see my creamy pie off... Nothing big happened, because Naruto kept snoozing off in his seat, Jiraya kept __**charming **__off the ladies around us... Oh yeah, Tsunade, who showed up, beat the crap out of him. It was nice..._

_And then he left. Just like that. Leaving me all alone it cold, cruel world, infested with Itachi-germs (get away people, its poisonous!). Telling me he will call me right after he landed, which he __**didn't **__thankyouverymuch._

_On the bright side, I got a candy from Deidara, for being so miserable. Dammit, now even the dumbest blonde in the world is pitying me. Curse my life._

_**I LOVE YOU SASUKE!**_

_The hell, get out of my room Karin!_

_Khk-khm. Sorry about that, my nut job of a neighbor just jumped through my window and grabbed my journal… Unfortunately, she read nothing- and is still obsessed with me. Even though I am in much worse stage of obsession about Naru-chan!_

_Bright side of my down… down… down in the downiest dumps day: Naruto sent a message. Sure, it wasn't long, but just the thought of my cute, super-licious idiot thinking about me on the other side of the planet; wishing I was there to hug him, kiss him, squeeze him…_

_**Fine! **__All he said was 'Landed in German.' _

…_._

_It's the thought that count s, all right!_

**Not to mention it was sent on my number...**

_Curse you Itachi! Sooo not my fault the damn mobile is pulverized!_

**You threw it on the ground in one of your fits. **

_Not my fault~_

**You kept screaming how the stupid machine was lucky it only can be broken for not connecting you to Naruto...**

_Fuck you. Get out of my journal._

_..._

_Ahem. _

_I really doubt this day… or the next week at all can be counted as a courtship one… So I'm gonna start counting the days since Naruto's been gone._

* * *

_**Day 1**_

_Look up for further explanation, demon spawn from hell. Or don't, coz you already did... And you had the grace to tarnish it with your pitiful writing... Again..._

**At least my writing can be read by all, not just certain individuals. **

**Don't use so many fullstops. It's disgraceful to an Uchiha.**

**...**

**Well, you are a disgrace in a tight package already.**

* * *

_**Day 2**_

_No calls, no messages, no letters… I am still holding on… OK, so I tried to kill myself again!_

_If it wasn't for the damn Itachi, and that hand-made plushy of a person suspiciously looking like Naruto (so I added the whisker marks), I would have done it. Seriously._

… _Oh shit- Itachi found his baby pictures posted on the net... I should get out of the country, right?_

* * *

_**Day 3**_

_I'm alive. Horny as hell, pathetic and all angsty in my emo corner, but alive! That's something right?_

* * *

_**Day 4**_

"_Met dad. He's okay. Miss you."_

_Does this look like a love confession or what?!_

_So my delusional mind's playing tricks on me- sue me. I __**know **__he misses his best buddy Sasuke… not the wannabe lover Sasuke…. But damn you all- a guy can dream!_

_Now piss off, I'm gonna go think about Naruto's message carefully and respond to it quickly. Not to fast… Don't want to seem desperate._

* * *

_**Day 5**_

_Until five minutes ago I was roped, gagged and rendered from the ability to move at all. Itachi found out about me collecting the money around the house and booking the ticket to Germany. Tch._

_What's so wrong with wanting to visit the love of your life on the other side of the planet?! Spending couple of thousands is nothing compared to being able to see his perfect, beautiful face! And hear that melodious voice… and drown into those mesmerizing eyes…. __**NARUTO!**_

* * *

_**Day 6**_

_He's coming back in two days' time. I can take it. I can totally wait patiently until then. All I have to think about to stay sane is how he is coming back. To me._

_Well, technically, to Konoha not to me… But who cares for small details._

_Fun note: Deidara moved in today. Itachi is positively mad with all the yelling, furniture screeching against the floor and the explosions in the kitchen. Oh God, should've filmed his face when that pancake boiled right out of the pot onto the ceiling!_

* * *

_**Day 7**_

_Ino and Shikamaru are dating. Good; that'll take her of my back. Now to occupy Sakura somehow…_

_Kakashi finally managed to nail some action last night with Iruka. How do I know, you ask? Well, Iruka was limping this morning, Kakashi was sporting a brand new grin and whenever the two were in the same room; Iruka blushed and Kakashi giggled._

_I, on the other hand, had none progress in the love compartment. How could I, when my future partner (and I plan for him to be my only partner) is away?_

_Tomorrow Sasuke… Tomorrow…_

_You damn clock, tick faster!_

_*_**insomniac **


	21. XXI

_**Day 21**_

* * *

_NARUTO IS BACK! HE'S BACK! HALLELUJAH MOTHEFUCKERS! WHOOP! TAKE THAT, YOU BLONDE PIECE OF GOO MADE OF DUMBNESS AND THE DEVIL I WILL GET MY REVENGE ON!_

_Khk-km._

_As you've noticed, I had a bit of euphoria attack a while ago. Don't look at me like that- you say you wouldn't have it if the light of your eyes/the core of your heart/the love of your life came back from a nearly week long journey on the other side of the globe? Shame on you for pitying me when you're __**all **__like me!_

_All right, I better get started on explaining everything that happened;_

_I was strolling down the road and almost whistling a happy tune (I said almost, I'm an Uchiha. We don't whistle.), nearing my ever wonderful school that held my most amazing and lovable idiot inside of it._

_People kept looking at me like I was a weirdo, but who can blame them? Even I'm horrified by my happy face. Uchiha's were definitely not made to grin. Or smile. Evil smiles will do. Happy-go-lucky smiles with sparkly eyes- no. And thank God I learned that a time way ago, or else I would have been put in a loony... That same time way long ago. Maybe a day after, coz I noticed that in front of my mirror. _

_Incidentally, that was the same day I met Naruto... Ironically, he's comment how I was a cold bastard made me wanna try and smile... I guess the creepiness of my smile must have somehow subconsciously made itself over to Naruto and he never again asked why don't I do it._

_Any-who, I made it to the classroom, I ignored the pink haired bear of wacko-mess and quickly made my sexy way over to the whiskered muffin I longed to see._

_After being blinded by his beautiful smile, and almost died by the hands that squeezed the life out of me (and any sense I had left whatsoever), Naruto proceeded to tell me everything he experienced in the damned Germany._

_Which was ramen, visiting Minato, ramen, talking to Minato, ramen, being patronized by Minato he ate ramen at the abnormal rate, eating more ramen to spite him, got his ramen stolen by Minato, attacked Minato, ate it while the nurses stabilized Minato, said goodbye to Minato, went back to his house, ate more ramen and went to sleep. _

_He told his days there pretty much consisted of that. Except when Minato got discharged, and together they visited a small ramen stand. _

_He is such a ramen freak... But I love him too much to even try and be disgusted by that._

_After school and mine and his normal activities (remember my schedule?), we went on a little date._

_So it wasn't a date, but I still got to spend time with him and he even gave me a hug by the end of it! It still wasn't a kiss, but oh well... My time will come._

_And just before we went our marry ways, he told me: _

_'I really, really missed you 'Suke.'_

_I ain't lying or hallucinating this time! He was even smiling softly and holding my hand! I am this close to 'KYAAA!' it in a fan girl style!_

_Ah, who am I lying; I 'KYAAA' -ed it until the house was ringing. Even Deidara, who knows shit, joined me._

_*_**happy, happy, joy- I'm gonna get this boy!**


	22. XXII

_**Day 22**_

* * *

_Feh, nothing interesting to write. I woke up, I showered, I ate some buns Deidara made (at least he's useful in some other way than being Itachi's personal toy) and went off to school._

_The day passed as usual; I submerging in my activities, Sakura trying and failing to get a date out of me, Naruto ditching his practise…_

_Ah yes, that was the unusual thing. Naruto didn't go to his practise as planned… Instead, __**we **__, as in __**together, **__went on another date._

_Fine, it was not a date date, but a friendly outgoing to the arcade. Well, at least I got to enjoy his cute pout when I beat his ass at M.C. Not to mention those movezz on DDR… God, can that round, perfect ass shake…._

_Ahem- As per normal, I walked him home, managing to get myself a snuggly hug and a scratch from my nemesis number 2, Kyuubi. But it's worth it, if I got those hugs more often…._

_I seriously need to get my act together and confess already! The damn weasel is flaunting __**his **__blonde all around the house, probably trying to torture me._

_Well, Itachi, you are torturing me. So stop it. Or I'll call up your ex and tell him __**all **__about what really happened to Veronica._

**That damn shark asked for every single drop of poison I fed it.**

_Suuuuure it did._

***sexually frustrated avenger**


	23. XXIII

_**Day 23**_

* * *

_Something smells fishy around here. And I don't mean the sushi rolls Deidara's been making all day (Oh God, the smell! I mean, I know I'm Japanese and fish is supposed to not affect our nostrils, but seriously Deidara? What have you been putting in that sushi? Better yet- Mother of Nature, what have you been feeding those fish?!)No. I am talking about Naruto._

_Let me give you an explanation why am I so weird out; today after school and all the normal occurrences, Naruto __**skipped **__training, __**again **__, and dragged me to the- in his words- super cool new café in town. It's called 'Catra' or something…_

_Anyways, the café __**is **__cool; it's spacious, mostly inhabited by youth (but you can see the oldies in the back), and decorated in an ancient ninja style (they have paintings of the silent assassins of the night all over the wall, clothes and weapons exposed… Ever been to 'Hard Rock'? Remember how they put out front guitars of famous rock stars and their performance clothes? Yeah, just like that). They only serve Japanese cuisine there, but they have some vitamin pills or something instead of sugar, salt, cinnamon and such. Naruto took so many pictures. His excitement was making me giddy. What's more important is that the café is never crowded. Meaning, no fangirling around me, no sir. _

_The café owner is some guy named Asuma, but the investor and mastermind behind it is our own personal Mayor, Mr. Hiruzen Sarutobi. And how do I know that? Well, my sweet pea told me all about it, seeing how he is Mayor's favorite grandson (not that Naruto is his grandson, but he was the teacher of Naruto's guardians, so it's a must they know each other.)_

_Back to the real problem at hand. Naruto and I spent three hours in that café, talking about… I don't even know what; I was too mesmerized by the interior and my blonde angel to remember the small things. What I __**do **__remember is Naruto's constant touching (hands and shoulders only) and his pouty face, and his begging to stay with him 'just a bit more'._

_Wanna know what else happened? He kissed me! It was on the cheek, but it was a kiss! In front of his apartment, Naruto told me how I'm his most precious person and he kissed me!_

_I don't even know __**how **__I got home- I just know I regained my senses in my bedroom, rolling on the floor and whispering 'he kissed me!' all over again. How lucky am I?!_

_Later, I noticed my little stunned scene took few hours of my life. Meh, if it's Naruto he can take aaaaall of my time._

_Then I set down and started thinking why was Naruto so adamant on taking me on dates (they __**are **__dates, case closed) and spending so much time with me? I mean, I whole heartedly approve, but that's not like him! I wanted to call him up and ask him about it, but seeing how now it's something after midnight it was best if I take time tomorrow and corner him. It's much better discussing in person; I get to see his lovely face that way!_

***curious, very curious… but still happy**


	24. XXIV

_****_**A/N: Yeah, before I post this... Regretably, or not, I might not find myself with my comp for about a month. It's going places, out of my reach. Before I lose all of my notes, stories and etc, I decided to post the remaining chapters.**

**That's right- all of the chapters. So dear readers, enjoy. Because today- TCCOUN are coming to an end.**

* * *

_**Day 24**_

* * *

_Itachi, you better not come out of your room, coz I'm going to murder you the second you do._

_Do you know what that __**wonderful **__brother of mine did today?! Do you?!_

_Today at school, Naruto came up to me and told me, with a sad smile shall I note, that he's glad I'm making progress in my own love department. Honestly, I didn't know what he was talking about, but I just smirk and said 'of course'. The minute he disappeared behind the doors, a stampede of fan girls came crashing down on me, every single one of them yelling 'He's mine!' And I was like, the fuck?_

_Without taking time to see what the whole deal was about, I ran like a high class professional out of the bloody classroom and towards my special place. _

_So, while I was hiding in the toilet, I received a message from Suigetsu, one of the few who knew my number. The others being Naruto, Itachi and Juugo. Ah Juugo, my own personal bodyguard. Defending me from fan girls since… four year ago?_

_The message read:_

'_**Dude! Are you really that desperate to put those posters up?!**__'_

_My genius Uchiha brain, and my trouble senses, just knew I've been somehow screwed over royally… By Itachi. Don't ask how, I just did. So, after I commanded him to bring me one, laughing like a maniac he is, and checking it out- I blew. Itachi, because it was him, he even put '__**Sasuke Uchiha, my foolish little brother**__', has put about a dozen posters all around the school; all saying how I am in search for my one true love. The first person to kiss me was the one to become my lover. _

_Regrettably, Suigetsu stopped me from marching straight home and pulverizing that son of a bitch._

**We have the same mother, Sasuke.**

* * *

_Pardon me, I just __**had **__to take a moment there and kill him. Deidara, who's right behind me and trying to breathe life into that scheming little bastard, is screaming like a bitch in heat. No worries, I have plugs._

_Aaah, better._

_Anyways, after running around the school, getting away from those nasty little creatures know as fangirls, throwing books, oranges (Suigetsu lent me some… Why does he have oranges in his backpack?!) and instant ramen (just in case Naruto gets hungry), managing to hit most of them, I finally arrived home. Barricading the door, coz some of them were still out there, screaming my name and fighting with each other, I turned into my '__**devil hunt**__' mode. _

_So, to summarize the day- being screwed over by Itachi, chased by a mob of annoying girls, laughed at by Suigetsu and finally, congratulated by Naruto on my search for love. _

_Can this day get any worse?! I mean, he practically gave me an 'ok' to go on and fuck around with some __**girl**__! Can't he see he's the only one I want?! Fuck the system, I love Naruto! Not any of those… I'm out of names. I'll get back at you for that._

…

_Oh dammit, one just managed to climb trough my window… Oh it's Karin. _

_KARIN!_

***Mortal Combat style: on**


	25. XXV

_**Day 25**_

* * *

_Let it be duly noted that fangirls are creatures from Hell, just a level lower than Itachi. Grrrr, Itachi…._

_No, nothing extraordinary happened today. If normality means getting chased, grabbed glomped and forcefully kissed by rabid female demons, than no. I mean, from where the heck have they got idea I am even __**a bit **__interested in them?! I thought they knew I was gay!_

_If my FB profile wasn't clear enough, than fine! I'm gonna go yell it from the top of the school! Maybe then they'll get it out of their ridiculously small brains I don't want to have any kind of relationship with them!_

_As for Itachi, he's still locked inside of his room with Deidara- probably getting a pity sex. I wouldn't know I avoided the house just in case my temper wouldn't set me in jail. Because the only way I'll get some action there was if Naruto-chan was with me. And we all know Naruto is not suited for jail; that motherfucker will rape him the first hour._

_Ah, Naruto-chan, my lovely angel from heaven! I wrote another love letter for him today… Actually, I wrote it two days ago, but I only managed to give to him today. He was so happy; wearing that killer smile (that thing kills any sense), radiating happiness all around… Ah, he was so cute I barely managed to control myself. I wanted just to hold him tight to my body, twirl him around and never let go!_

_My sweetie pie, you're too good for me, you know that?_

_But I don't care even if you are a real angel- you __**will **__be mine, by the end of this month. Yes, I just decided I am going to confess in the most easiest, some would call it cowardly, way. And no, I am not telling- you'll have to wait and see._

***so sickeningly in love**


	26. XXVI

_**Day 26**_

* * *

_Okay, weird… Naruto hasn't told me anything about the love notes or his secret admirer... I know what it says, I wrote them! But, he hardly ever mentions it, while before he was brimming with happiness over having one!_

_It's wrong! He was supposed to say how it was making him fall in love and what not! At least the movies say so… No, he just talked about how nice it was I was trying to get it on with somebody (was that a significant look or what?!) and he even helped me defend myself against __**the creatures**__. _

_I tell you, they look so much better covered in rainbow paint._

_Also, while I was hiding from __**them**__ and Naruto was throwing wood glue all over the street (we were at the 'Chakra'), I kind of ran into Mr. Hatake and Mr. Umino- or Kakashi and Iruka simply, in the toilet._

_After a round of blushing, stuttering and getting dressed again, Kakashi turned to me and said with that creepy eye smile of his:_

'_Do you need any advice on how to seduce Naru-chan?' _

_Flabbergasted, because he actually offered some and because he dared to call Naruto that, I managed to get a single yipp out. Yeah, I know; so not Uchiha like. Sue me._

_Then he proceeded with telling me how the best way to bag him would be to jump him right after I would leave the, what I thought, empty classroom. Iruka elbowed him, quite painfully I noted from Kakashi expression, and told me not to listen to that pervert._

_And some other things, but it all came down to… 'Naruto's a special boy… Won't find someone like that in the world… Shut up Kakashi… If you do dare to make that step, it will be worthwhile. I promise.'_

_Now, __**that **__was a significant look, I swear!_

_I, confused and bit put out Naruto didn't wait on me, left 'Chakra' and quickly went home; Itachi and Deidara weren't in. That meant I had time to think about what I was going to say tomorrow.. And perhaps, Iruka's words… and that all knowing look._

***those looks creep me out, man**


	27. XXVII

_**Day 27**_

* * *

_Hell yeah, now the whole town knows I'm gay and that I already have found my love. How so, you ask?_

_I might have really went up to the school roof (I was supposed to spend the daz with Naruto, but __**them **__followed me everywhere!) and yelled something like 'I already got boyfriend, bitches!'... Cross that something out, please._

_Those shell shocked looks were priceless. Thankfully, Kiba got some pics on his phone, and we spent next hour laughing at Sakura's pitiful face. Buahahahaha!_

_Bad side of my awesome proclamaiton was Naruto avoiding me, acting all gloomy and such. When I got near him, he turned his head away and said he had to go and feed Kyubi. During our date! He said he was free all day and that Tsunade was watching the damn fox!_

_Naruto, my love, my heart, why won't you talk to me?!_

_I sent thousands of messages to him, asking him what was wrong! I even called, perhaps a bit more than I texted, and he denied every single one! WAAAAH! NARUTO HATES ME!_

**Foolish little brother, are you really that much of an idiot not to notice what exactly is wrong with your little foxy boy-toy?**

* * *

_**Stay out of my rant, Itachi!**_

_**And he's not a boy toy!**_

_But yeah, I dunno what's wrong. I will allow you, this time only, to enlighten me._

**Now, that would only kill the fun out of it.**

_Rot in hell, Itachi._

* * *

_HE'S STILL IGNORING ME!_

_IT'S ALREADY 11 P.M. AND HE'S STILL NOT CALLING ME BACK!_

_I WENT TO HIS HOUSE AND HE WOULDN'T EVEN OPEN THE DOOR. AND I KNOW HE WAS THERE, HIS TV WAS ON!_

_NARUTOOOOOOOO! TALK TO MEEE! WAAAAAH! IF YOU DON'T TALK TO ME, I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF! NOT EVEN THE DEVIL (itachi) WILL STOP ME THIS TIME!_

***pathetic, suicidal and heart broken**


	28. XXVIII

_**Day 28**_

* * *

_I did it. I manned up and I confessed my undying, unyielding love for the cutest, hottest, most kind blond eon the Earth. And yes, to Naruto._

_Deidara might have given me a push, saying how if don't do it now, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. By literally pushing me out of the door after I mopped at lunch, dinner and breakfast about how Naruto hated me and doesn't want anything to do with me._

_I might have done it later that day, if not for Naruto still avoiding me (he even changed seats, chosing to sit with Hinata instead of me!) all day. So, during recess, I inhaled some air (like a true man before a very important battle), followed him to the toilet on the third floor (which I never enter, that thing is nasty!) and cornered him to one of the cleaner walls. _

_His beautiful eyes were so, so sad; finally being forced to really look at me. Oh Naruto, what happened to you? But I don't have time for that now. He's probably weired because I'm writing this the same moment I'm… confessing._

***Sasuke Uchiha logging off form indefinite time.**


	29. XXIX

_**Day 29**_

_**Or, Day 1**_

* * *

_Dear Sasuke's diary; because no matter what, this is a diary bastard!_

_There are few things I would like to write after reading you… And God was it funny! Seriously, Sasuke should make a movie out of this! I am definitely impressed by Itachi here; man, you're pure awesome!_

_After Sasuke so gently pushed you into my arms (oi bastard, my t-shirt is all messed up because of your stunt! You're washing it!) In that stinky toilet, I admit I was a bit confused. And hungry too, I haven't had ramen for like two hours and I didn't want to ask the bastard for those emergency rations he has (if he still has them, I saw him throwing couple at Sakura)._

_Seeing as how he probably wanted me to read it and give a piece of my mind, that's exactly what I'll do. After finishing my ramen, of course._

* * *

_Crap, Sasuke's going to kill me for those stains! Oh well…_

_Sorry diary for using you like this, but it's kind of fun talking to Sasuke through you._

_Bastard, you're an idiot. Not just any idiot, no. You're the biggest one I've ever known. _

_I've been crushing you since I was twelve years old, and you're angst-ing around because __**I **__don't love __**you**__?! I know I can come as a bit dense and oblivious form time to time, but man… You're breaking my own record._

_Why the hell do you think I made you chocolates every Valentine's?! I never even uttered the word 'friendship' or 'obligatory'! Do you really think someone as great as me would bother with your emo ass for a second longer if I didn't like you like that?! You just forgot all about how I was the one to hold you and push those suicide thoughts out of your head when your pet Chidori died?! And how I was the one who organized the stupid funeral?!_

_**I HATED THAT DOG!**_

_And when you ended up in hospital, because you thought riding a bike 'just like Gaara' would make you cool, who was the one to sit beside your lousy bed and cry his eyes out!_

_I even told you I loved you, and you just brushed it off! You probably thought it was a friendship love, but hell no! Do you hear me proclaiming love to Gaara?! Or Kiba?! Or __**SAI?! DO YA!**_

_I made you your own ramen bowl, for when you sleep over! _

_**I even bought you ramen, you bastard!**_

_How dare you think I don't love you?! Better yet, how dare you say you have a boyfriend without telling me first?! I don't care if it was me, it hurts bastard!_

_Don't you even think about pulling a stunt like that again, you scumbag! If I even hear about you fooling around with some other freak case, I will castrate you! We clear?_

* * *

_Thank you for your letters and gifts. I truly enjoyed every minute spent reading and eating them._

_But, write your damn name next time! Sure, I like getting anonymous notes like every single guy- but do you have any idea how crushed I was because I thought you didn't care?! Fucking bastard…_

* * *

_And the next time I get all sweaty and naked around you, don't just stand there! You can jump me wheneeeever you want, bastard! What do you think this body is for; looking?!_

* * *

_Itachi, thank you very much for stopping that douche bag from killing himself. If it wasn't for you who knows where that idiot would be. _

_As a return gift, you can plan our wedding. Sasuke, being the moron he is, doesn't get any word in this. Deidara, Iruka, Kakashi and you seem to be the only sane people around here._

* * *

_I have some more things to say to you, but I'm gonna save it for when you man up already and come make a proper confession._

_You have an hour after I mail this diary, or else I'm gonna forget aaaall about you (I'm gonna murder you first) and turn to Sai. At least __**he **__has guts._

_Sincerely,_

_Naruto_


	30. XXX

_**Day 30**_

* * *

_Actually, it's not day 30, because it's been almost a week after Naruto and I got together. Oh yes, we __**got **__together._

_I can't believe I thought Naruto didn't care for me in that way; I mean I knew he hated Chidori, almost as much I hate Kyubi. But I kinda put all in 'friendzone' basket…_

_I am ashamed of myself for not noticing this… If I did, Naruto and I would start dating years ago! Itachi was right, I am a poor excuse of an Uchiha._

_But, I'm gonna make it better! After I whooshed in Naruto's place, jumped him and molested until we both were satisfied…_

_Oh yeah, my blonde has a thing for molestation… Well, only when it comes to me, but that's quite fine. After all, I have no plans on doing the kind of stuff I did to Naruto then to others. No sir._

_I could probably tell you what was said, and what have we done (I covered all bases, honey!) that night- but I won't. Yeah I'm a bastard._

_But I'm Naruto's own personal bastard, so you can't do a thing! Buahahahaha!_

_What matters is that we started going steady, he gave a few good punches for ignoring his try outs at confessing and much, much more..._

_Dear God it feels much better doing something besides watching that sinful body… Oh dammit, now I'm horny again._

_No problem- Naruto is much to glad to take my horniness away!_

_Oh lord, the feels are crushing me…_

_Before I end this, I would like to thank you, dear __**journal **__for playing an important role in this relationship. Who knew if I was ever gonna man up if I didn't give you to Naruto first? _

_It's alright- Naruto lets me show how much of a man I am in privacy… Sometimes in 'Chakra'… and the local park… He has a fetish or something for PDA._

_I am sorry I would have to say goodbye to you, but seeing how I truly achieved my goal (mostly with your and Naruto's help… Perhaps Itachi's… But more so Deidara's and Iruka's… OK fine! You people did all the work for me!) There is no need to turn to you anymore._

_I finally caught my blonde, so the courting business is finished._

_Maybe I'll call up on you when I propose to him… But then again, he already has that planned._

_Goodbye Journal._

_Logging off_

**Uchiha Sasuke- Naruto's personal bastard of a boyfriend.**

* * *

**The end.**

**A/N: If you wanna rant about how I ruined the story by posting it all togehter, please do. I am aware it takes out the thrill, but it had to be done. Personal reasons.**

**If you wanna rant about how great it is; go ahead! **

**As mentioned, there _might _be a continuation... But ti will have to wait for a while. I got other stories to finish.**

**Logging off- for this story only,**

**enRei**


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